


you can call it fire and ice

by Directionless_Foray



Series: fire and the flood [2]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Character Study, M/M, Sort Of, continuation of I'm gonna free fall out into nothin', from Alex's pov, i am so soft for these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22416847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Directionless_Foray/pseuds/Directionless_Foray
Summary: The thing is.Alex thinks Nick is so cool.The other thing is.Nick?Nick thinks they're friends.
Relationships: Alex de Minaur/Nick Kyrgios
Series: fire and the flood [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612984
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	you can call it fire and ice

**Author's Note:**

> hohoho i really love these two if you can't tell. 
> 
> title from 'Why' by Sabrina Carpenter. 
> 
> I may have muddled some of the personalities but please, consider this: CREATIVE LICENCE

Okay, so like-

Well.

It's like this.

The thing is.

Alex thinks Nick is _so cool_.

And he doesn't say anything about it, doesn't _tell_ Nick, when they hang out just the two of them.

_God no. _

It's just-

Nick plays tennis like he _lives_ it.

Like-

Like there's another vein running alongside the spidery red and blue fault lines under his skin. One that pumps pure _tennis_ through his veins. 

He _lives_ it. 

And yeah, in a way all of them are.

_Living_ tennis, that is.

But everyone else is pushing it 24-7. Forcing tennis down their own throats like oxygen until they really are living and _breathing_ tennis.

But the truth of the matter is that no one really _lives_ like that.

Nick plays like he lives it.

Like the tides coming in and pulling out.

Punishing and disappointing and unpredictable.

Giving it his all on the court, dying by the sword, and then withdrawing from it to lick his wounds when he feels it with too much gutting intensity.

He's brilliant and _flickering_ and he burns so angry and bright but he's also just so _impressive_.

So _cool_.

Which, yeah.

Makes Alex sound like some fucking thirteen year old or something but-

Like-

The thing is.

Alex thinks Nick is _so cool._

The _other_ thing is.

Nick?

Nick thinks they're _friends._

-

So, it goes like this.

They're friends and sometimes Alex feels like he spends so much time thinking Nick is _cool_ that he isn't able to devote anywhere near enough time or attention to-

Well.

To acting like a normal-functioning friend and not some weird fanatic who wants to get Nick's autograph framed.

Because, like.

Nick _is _cool.

And don't get him wrong, Nick is very much is deserving of that level of fanaticism.

But also-

Alex really doesn't want Nick to know that _Alex_ is one of his adoring fans.

But Nick hasn't said anything, hasn't stopped inviting Alec to hit with him and hang out together, so he figures that he's doing okay on the whole acting _cool_ in front of Nick front.

Nick just laughs and smiles, easy as anything, and asks Alex if he wants to go and get lunch together.

Or play video games.

Or just _chill_.

-

The thing is.

(The _other_ thing is.)

Alex didn't actually realise that he'd been nursing the mother of all crushes on Nick Kyrgios.

Because, like-

_No._

He's just a bit of a _fan_.

A fan and a _friend_ apparently, but mostly a _fan_.

Only, the thing is.

(The _other_ thing is.)

Nick is this breath of fresh air blowing through the ordered straight lines of Alex's life.

And yeah, he's chaos and volatile volcanic ash.

He is. Alex isn't disputing that.

Alex has watched his matches.

Has scrolled absentmindedly through Nick's twitter feed late at night while brushing his teeth.

But, the thing is.

(The _other _thing is.)

Nick is also the kindest most genuine person Alex knows.

Is always the first person to ask if Alex has had breakfast, to make sure Alex is stretching properly before practice, and to ask how Alex's family is doing. 

And part of Alex thinks, this _fire _of Nick's-

The black charred, chokingly ruthless knee-jerk reaction Nick seems to direct at the world at large.

Vicious and angry.

(Frightened and defensive.)

Really comes from a place deep inside that kind and genuine person who is shit-scared of getting hurt by this world that never seems to have enough patience for him.

This instinctive need to constantly fight for himself, to be on the offensive, because he thinks that if he doesn't, no one will.

The thing is.

(The _other_ thing is.)

Alex would.

Fight for him, that is.

The problem is that Alex doesn't know how to tell Nick that.

-

The problem is that Alex doesn't know if Nick would even want him to.

-

And really, the fact that Matt is the one to pull the pin on Alex's happy little exercise in ignoring the obvious would be funny-

Would be funny if it wasn't quite so tragic. 

Plus, to add insult to injury, it doesn't even take very much for the tower of cards to collapse in on itself.

He just turns to Alex during a water break and asks, big stupid grin plastered on his face as always, "so how's your giant crush on Nick going?" casual as anything.

Which-

Okay.

And in Matty's defence. It's clearly a joke.

He doesn't mean anything by it.

Except Alex's brain immediately short-circuits because up until this point, no one has ever put the words _Nick_ and the big scary five-lettered _c-word_ together.

Least of all Alex himself.

So, suffice it to say, Alex's brain is exploding a little. 

Matty is still grinning and Alex's mouth is dry, "um."

He chortles, misreading Alex's stunned silence for embarrassment, "it's okay, buddy, I'm just fucking with you," he chugs some water and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth, "and if it makes you feel any better he hasn't noticed you pretty much idolise him," he adds.

"Um," Alex realises that he needs to start responding with something more eloquent.

It must say something pretty sad about Alex's reputation that Matt doesn't even register Alex's inability to communicate in complete sentences. "Probably because he's too busy hyping up every single fucking thing you do," Matt snorts.

Alex chokes because _what. _

_"What."_

Okay.

One word is probably better than another _um._

Except Matt has moved on and is discarding his bottle of water and standing up now so Alex has no choice but to drop it too or risk exposing the fact that he's having a minor breakdown.

But, seriously.

_What._

-

So, the issue really is, if Alex is forced to drill down to the core of it-

The issue is that, while Alex wants to spend time with Nick to an extent that should probably worry him more than it currently does-

The issue is that, surprise of all surprises, Nick seems to like spending time with Alex too.

So this whole crush thing-

_Because Alex has finally stopped denying it_

-Is a heck of a lot harder to ignore when.

Well.

When Nick is pretty much _enabling_ it.

By laughing and doing that crinkly-eye smile and teasing Alex about his clothes and telling him that he's _brilliant_ and _talented_ and _impressive_ at every opportunity.

Alex can only take so much.

Because Nick is just _so cool_ but he's also real and kind and funny and tells Alex his jeans are ugly and that's just a bit too much.

Because Nick is just _so cool_ and he thinks Alex is a _friend._

-

John buys him a beer because he's taken it upon himself to be, in his own words, the 'cool uncle.'

Alex stares at the perspiring glass clutched in his hand and tries to decide how best to say, _I think I have a crush on Nick, what the fuck do I do now? _

But, you know.

In an, at least somewhat, socially acceptable way.

He frowns.

_Maybe-_

_Maybe he could-_

_No. _

_Well, he certainly can't lead with how _cool_ he finds Nick. _

John takes a sip of his beer, "is this about the Nick-thing?"

Alex nearly drops the beer.

Which obviously-

Which obviously does absolute wonders for his whole, _being respected by more senior players_ thing he's trying to achieve.

Some of the beer sloshes over the rim and dribbles down the side of his glass.

"How did you know," he absolutely does not yelp.

Absolutely not.

Because Alex de Minaur, professional tennis player and winner of the 2020 Sydney International does not _yelp_.

John smiles and it's just so _knowing_, "Matt may have mentioned something about you having an aneurysm the other day."

_Ah._

So maybe Matty was a bit more observant than Alex gave him credit for.

More polite too.

For not bringing it up at the time whilst Alex was in the throes of a full-fledged breakdown.

"So," John leans back in his seat like some tv-therapist, "want to tell me what's going on or should I drag it out of you?" His tone is light but Alex has no doubt that John could do just that if he wanted to.

He could one hundred percent force it out of Alex.

Just like how he plays.

Relentless and persistent and making not one single enemy along the way.

_I think I have a crush on Nick, what the fuck do I do now?_

"I think I have a crush on Nick, what the fuck do I do now? " Alex hears himself say.

John nods as if he suspected as much, which-

Also not doing wonders for Alex's self-esteem and the level of perceived respect he thought he was receiving from other players.

"Okay," John swallows another mouthful of beer and Alex watches him warily, "he's a good looking rooster," John allows after a beat.

"Please never refer to anyone as a_ good looking rooster_," Alex begs.

"Fair," John chuckles, "so what's the problem?"

"Um, well, I don't know if you heard me but _I think I have a crush on_-"

John cuts off Alex's sarcastic reply, "-I know, and I said_, what's the problem?_" blunt. To the point.

Straight down the line. 

Alex stares down at his still untouched beer.

"I don't- like," he bites his lip struggling to find the words, "I'm meant to tell him- that's like- if you have a crush, that's like the next step isn't it."

John nods encouragingly.

"Except this is_ Nick_."

"... Nick's not an asshole," John says carefully.

"I know _that_," Alex snaps.

John rolls his eyes and ignores him, "he's- I mean he's a dickhead sometimes but he's not an _asshole_, y'know?" He shrugs, "so he won't make it like- weird or anything, maybe it'd be a little weird at first if he doesn't feel the same way but like- he's not going to get _mad_."

"I know, it's just..." Alex trails off and his brow furrows.

"... It's just you_ really_ like him don't you?" John prompts not unkindly.

"Yeah," Alex sighs. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well..." John trails off and Alex groans, "let's just say it's not _surprising_."

_"Great,"_ Alex mutters. Fantastic.

John has the good grace to look sympathetic at least, "just tell him," he suggests. "It can't be that bad."

Alex glares.

"Seriously, just tell him," he repeats. More firmly this time. 

"Fine," Alex grumbles. John jokingly clinks their glasses together, "I'll tell him," Alex says.

Alex absolutely _does not_ plan on ever telling Nick.

-

And then the Australian Open happens.

And it's great.

Alex sneaks into- _okay fine_, he _asks permission_ from Lleyton-

But only because he knows that Lleyton has a soft spot for him.

So Alex _gets permission_ to sneak into Nick's player's box and gets front-row seats to the surprised expression on Nick's face when he spots Alex.

To be fair, Alex's plan was to lay low and support Nick. _Truly_.

He just wanted to pay him back for all the support he heaped on Alex. 

But the thing is.

(The_ other_ thing is.)

Nick's down one game to four in the second set and Alex didn't sneak himself into his box and past the press just to watch Nick sabotage himself in the opening rounds of their home slam.

Nope. 

Alex is kind of very much _not here for that_.

So he gives a Nick a Look.

Because Nick doesn't need a carefully worded encouragement or an eardrum bursting cheer right now.

No.

What he needs is to be told to _get his head in the game_.

So he gives Nick a _Look_.

Nick blinks. 

And right before Alex's eyes, Nick seems to wake up, shakes himself a little, tugs at the collar of his shirt, and proceeds to _play some good fucking tennis_.

-

And then the match is over and Alex doesn't even ask Lleyton before he's sneaking into the tunnel to wait for Nick.

By the same token, Nick doesn't look very surprised to see Alex there either.

And they're joking. Laughing easily.

It's just like before.

And then-

"I wasn't expecting to see you in my box, fucking scared the shit out of me," Nick laughs tiredly and _fuck_.

Alex really didn't think that through did he.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he winces.

If he had cost Nick that set he'd never forgive himself.

There he goes again-

_Acting his age again._

_Fuck. _

"I thought it would be like," he waves his hand with a grimace, "a funny surprise but it probably threw you off."

_Fuck._

_Great going, Alex._

_Absolute aces with your decision-making_.

And now he's rambling, "shit, man, I'm so sorry," he apologises, "I was so keen to see you and I wasn't thinking."

But Nick just looks confused. Like Alex has said something strange.

But then it passes. Disappears as quickly as it appears, flashing across Nick’s features.

And then they're joking again and Alex feels positively lightheaded. Drunk off of the sheer high of being around Nick again after not having seen him for the past few weeks.

He's hopeless.

So completely and utterly done for. 

So he can't help the familiar, "_King Kyrgios_," that slips out.

But then.

Well.

Nick throws a real nasty wrench in the works by smirking, slow and lazy and _devastating_ as he murmurs, "yeah, _demon_?"

And the thing is.

(The _other _thing is.)

Alex doesn't even particularly like the whole _demon_ thing. He doesn't dislike it per se.

But like.

He doesn't feel much like a _demon_.

Most of the time he feels like a kid playing with the grownups and trying not to get caught out.

That said, the nickname tends to trigger a comically pained expression on his mother when people scream it. This is, naturally, quite objectively hilarious.

But the thing is.

He's not _in love_ with it.

What he _is_ in love with is what it represents.

This inside joke.

With Nick.

Between Nick and himself. 

(The _King_ and the _Demon_.)

He has an inside joke with Nick. Something they can laugh about, heads bowed together, eyes locked in a wordless conversation, mouths forming around the shared words.

Which-

Which unfortunately also means Alex is now inadvertently staring at Nick's mouth and he's almost certain that Nick noticed.

_Fuck. _

But Nick throws him a lifeline.

Not for the first time too.

Not for the first time in the past few weeks either. 

Nick throws him a lifeline and he just smiles, slow and lazy and _devastating,_ and asks Alex what he wants to eat.

Throws in a little teasing jab for good measure, so Alex knows that it's cool. That they're cool. 

Because _Nick_ is cool.

_Shit._

Alex is so fucked.

-

Alex has a plan.

A plan.

He's going to grow up and-

-and tell Nick.

Okay.

He's going to walk up to Nick where he's stretching with one earphone in and the other one dangling loosely around his neck and-

-and he's going to say, "Hi, hello Nick, I really like you, sorry, okay, bye, I'm going to go now-"

Okay.

Yeah, he might need to rephrase parts of that but the point stands.

_He's going to tell Nick. _

He's still deciding how exactly he's going to phrase it as he stomps his way over to Nick.

Nick pulls the earbud out and looks up warily at Alex from the bench.

Alex takes a deep breath.

Here goes.

"_Look,_ I like you," Alex says bluntly.

It's not the most elegantly constructed sentence but it'll have to do.

Nick looks-

Well.

He doesn't look very surprised which is probably a slightly humiliating confirmation.

Confirmation that yes indeed.

Absolutely _everyone_ knew that Alex was in possession of a huge crush on one Nick Kyrgios, save for Alex himself.

_Cheers guys_.

"No you don't," Nick says calmly and _what-_

Of all the things Alex imagined Nick saying in response to his confession, a rejection, a polite deflection, god, even a laugh-

Alex never expected Nick to straight-up reject the _notion_ that Alex liked him.

_Huh._

So he crosses his arms and frowns because Nick looks like he doesn't believe Alex and that's just _unacceptable_.

Nick looks like he doesn't believe anyone would ever _like_ him which is _unacceptable_.

Alex thinks that-

That maybe Nick has spent so much of his life with his back up against a wall, so much time treating everyone as a potential threat, that he forgot to look around to see that there were people standing next to him.

Behind him.

Quietly watching his back for him.

Like Alex.

Because.

The thing is.

(The _other_ thing is.)

Alex would.

Fight for him, that is. Stand in his corner.

The problem is that Alex doesn't know how to make Nick see that.

But Alex isn't going to let this lie. So he crosses his arms and juts his chin out defiantly because-

Because if it's a battle Nick wants?

It's a battle he'll get.

Tests of endurance? 

Sure.

Because Alex has been told in a stunning variety of ways just how tenacious and stubborn to a fault he is. How he doesn't know when to give up.

To walk away.

So, yeah.

Alex is confident he'll win this round.

“Just because you don’t think other people like you doesn't mean I can’t.”

_Break point._

And Nick looks taken aback.

"Alex- mate- you can't- like-"

He's nervous. Nick is _nervous._ Alex can tell, can hear it in the way it mangles his speech.

Only.

Alex doesn't want him to be nervous.

Because he's probably worried about hurting Alex's feelings.

_Fuck. _

That's not what this is about.

This is Nick. Shooting himself in the foot.

Not even bothering to come to the net. Hurling his racquet on the ground. Picking a fight with the chair umpire. 

This is Nick thinking that he doesn't deserve this, friends, people who care about him.

And then trying to do all he can to ensure the self-fulfilling prophecy comes true.

This is Nick making sure he doesn't have to rely on anyone so no one has the power to hurt him.

Only.

Alex knows Nick is better than this.

He's stronger and more fearless than this.

And Alex likes him whole a lot.

"I like you, you fucking idiot," Alex hisses. "Stop freaking out," he distractedly runs a hand through his hair and he's vaguely aware that his hands are shaking but he can't help it. "It's not like- _fuck,_ I'm not like _expecting anything_\- so don't like, like worry about hurting my feelings or anything it's just-"

Nick is watching him now, curious.

"-It's just like- like we're _friends_," Alex smiles wrily, "so I thought I should be honest with you."

And there it is.

The truth.

Because Alex may think Nick is _cool_.

But Nick thinks Alex is his _friend._

And friends don't keep this kind of thing from each other.

The question is if Nick still wants to be his friend after he's found out that-

"Fuck," Nick breathes and _oh._

_Well, that answers that._

Alex tries to keep his expression neutral but he succumbs to his disappointment. Eyes falling to his feet.

Nick swears, "no, _fuck_ I didn't mean-" 

He groans and Alex is _this close_ to running away. He wants the ground to crack open and swallow him up whole. 

He would have liked to take his trophies with him when he passed into the afterlife but he'll willingly settle for an instantaneous and painless death. 

"It's fine, like I said," Alex grits out, eyes trained stubbornly on the laces of his trainers, "you don't need to like, try and make me feel better-"

Because Nick would.

Feel obligated to let Alex down gently.

Because Nick may be loud and opinionated and unafraid of voicing his opinions but he's also kind and genuine and never seems to stop finding ways to keep _giving. _

So Alex is pretty certain, Nick would feel like he needs to soften the blow.

But then.

Alex hears a choked out, "I like you too."

And when Alex looks up, Nick looks just as terrified as Alex feels.

But then Alex feels the smile threatening to tear his face in two.

Because for a guy who's dreamed in vivid detail of a couple hundred ways in which he'll win his first, _and second and third and fifteenth and twenty-fifth,_ grand slam-

For all of that, he never once dared to dream of Nick saying those four words.

After a moment, Nick's mouth curves. Corners twitching into a tentative thing of a smile.

"Really?" Alex should smack himself for tempting fate by asking.

He has to know for sure though.

Nick chuckles softly to himself, "yeah," he shifts a little but the smile doesn't leave his face, "yeah, _demon_, I really do."

And well.

That's that then.

-

Nick drops Alex off at the physio's office and moves to find a spot to settle down in the brightly lit waiting room.

There's a framed watercolour of a frog sitting on a lily pad in the main lobby and Alex had it memorised down to the reflection of the dragonfly on the surface of the pond by his third visit.

This is will be his twelfth.

Nick's wearing one of those hideous, brightly coloured hoodies again. A bright marigold monstrosity that hangs enticingly off of those broad shoulders of his.

Alex is already plotting to steal one for himself.

He has his eye on charcoal tie-dye number.

Plus, if he's wearing something of Nick's it should, at least temporarily, halt Nick's relentless teasing of Alex's appalling dress sense.

Surely.

Alex bites his lip.

Nick squeezes Alex's hip reassuringly, the palm of his hand is hot and Alex is half tempted to-

To just place his hand over Nick's.

To squeeze it himself.

To keep it there.

Until it's a permanent brand on his hip. Proving that this thing between them, new and tentative as it is, is _real_. 

Nick smiles lazy and fond as he pulls Alex into a hug, "you'll be fine, _demon_."

"Yeah," Alex murmurs unconvincingly into Nick's shoulder. 

There's a receptionist who's working at the front desk every time Alex has to come in for an appointment.

She's peering at them very interestedly from behind the glass panel.

Nick hasn't come with him before.

She's doing a poor job of pretending to be typing on her computer and not eavesdropping.

Alex thinks, _fuck it_, and presses his face into Nick's neck and inhales deeply. 

Nick chuckles soft and rumbly and Alex can feel the vibrations from where he's nosing into the warm skin of Nick's neck. 

"You'll be fine, but even if you're not fine, I'll still be here," Nick murmurs. 

A soothing honey milk solution of a promise. 

Alex shifts to rest his head against Nick's shoulder and nods into the soft cotton of Nick's hoodie.

Either way.

Good or bad.

Nick will be here.

He'll hug Alex when he comes out of his appointment.

They'll sign out at reception and Sarah the receptionist will probably try and wheedle some gossip out of them.

Nick will smile thinly and place a burning, protective hand on Alex's hip and find a way to politely (or not so politely) but firmly tell her to _mind her own business_.

Then they'll go and have lunch together.

Nick will frown and get all serious and insist on paying and Alex might let him this time.

There's a nice thought.

Alex focuses on that when he has to leave Nick in the waiting room and follow the physio down the hallway.

Alex's physio asks him about his weekend as they walk and Alex distractedly says something about going for a walk and having dinner with some friends.

All the while he's thinking about Nick waiting for him in the lobby.

And-

Well.

It really is a pretty nice thought.

That Nick has someone standing in his corner and Alex has someone sitting in his waiting rooms.

-

  
"You're the bravest person I know," Nick says apropos of nothing one day. They're lying sprawled on top of the covers on the bed in Alex's hotel room.

They've unconsciously agreed to migrate to Alex's room because Nick's is always a mess.

_He is absolutely and horrifically inept at keeping a living environment tidy,_ Alex thinks far too fondly to himself.

And it's sometime in the afternoon. That awkward handful of hours encompassing that strange prelude to the evening.

They've thrown the curtains open and left the lights off.

The room is bathed in a strangely cool silvery half-light. 

Alex thinks he could stay here forever.

With Nick's head cushioned in his lap and their tennis bags leaning up against the far wall. 

Nick lets his head loll listlessly in Alex's lap as Alex scrolls through his instagram feed.

"You're the bravest person I know," Nick says apropos of nothing and-

"What do you mean?" Alex frowns faintly, eyes still glued to his phone.

One of his cousins got a new puppy and he dutifully 'likes' the photo. 

"It's like," Nick rolls over to push himself up on his elbows and Alex looks up, "you're not afraid to be yourself."

Alex snorts and sets aside his phone, "pot kettle, mate," he smirks, "mister press-conference-king."

But Nick-

Nick doesn't join in the joke-

Even though he knows Alex means it lovingly.

Nick just shakes his head, "nah like," he rolls onto his back and Alex stares at the smooth line of his throat, "like, I _don't care_," a wry smile, "or maybe I care too much, but like- you," he waves a hand in Alex's direction, "you've never been afraid to let people know how you're feeling. You've never been scared to like- wear your heart on your sleeve."

"I'd argue that you're exactly the same," Alex corrects softly.

Nick shakes his head again and he looks a little frustrated.

Alex wants to kiss him.

Right on that dangerous, ruthless mouth. 

That mouth from which the sweetest honeyed words have been spilled for Alex.

And well.

Alex is _allowed to_ now.

But.

He might save it.

Save this kiss for later.

"Nah, like- yeah, okay, I'm sort of like that but-" he looks up at Alex and then his eyes crinkle and it never fails to steal the breath out of Alex's lungs, "but I'm not brave like you are."

Outside the window, the sky is pale lavender.

The sun is preparing to set on another city that Alex only recognises from his hotel room window and the daily commute to the tennis court but the way Nick is watching him now-

Soft and knowing and trusting.

And the thing is.

Alex thinks Nick is _so cool_.

(Will probably always think he is.)

Only now?

Now he knows that Nick thinks _Alex_ is cool too.

**Author's Note:**

> i am storm-in-my-teacup on tumblr. pls do come and yell at/with me about these two boyfriends.


End file.
